“ Okay, I’m gonna come out and I’m gonna tell ya, I’m asking you out. That’s what I’m doing, but please don’t answer yet. Because I know you have a ‘no’ cued up in your head already. But please will you let me say a few things. I know that being a woman in New York must be hard because it’s disappointing maybe because you try to be nice to men as human beings and they respond by torpedoing towards your vagina. I want you to know that I’m aware that you’re young and beautiful and I’m not either of those things. And part of me knows that as soon as my lips stop moving that you’re gonna say no. But please think of the fact that it’s low risk what I’m asking. Ya just come out with me for a drink and even if you got up and left in the middle of the one drink, I wouldn’t hold it against you. So, just make a judgment based on that nothing horrible would happen. If you came out with me, I think you’re so attractive. I’m attracted to you because you’re nice and you’re a decent person and other reasons that you want people to be attracted to. Also, you’re horribly cute. I mean, you’re cute as hell. I grow on people. On women. Some time goes by you get past the bald head and I sweat a lot and I’m lumpy. I’ve run out of things to say. Can you tell me now?
— Louis C.K. asking out a woman